this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
