I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it penis luge time yet?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
