I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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