I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
