I got chris browned last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have aggressive nipples.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
