so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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