Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
