Apparently you make a good broom.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
