shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
