The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
