yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize