dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
