3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
