I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
