i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My pussy is not your playground.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
