I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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