i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
