mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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