i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
