walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
