we're blogging at a bar
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
