Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
