I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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