My underwear smells like fireworks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
