There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
