well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
