I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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