I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
