AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
