I CAN MOONWALK!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
