so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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