wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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