You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
