Your dad touched me again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
