My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
