i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just pee around me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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