Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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