He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
