Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
