After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
