he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
