I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Randomize
