She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
