So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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