I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
