I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
