Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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(239): View more from Florida

she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols

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(817): View more from Texas

Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

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(214): View more from Texas

things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

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(907): View more from Alaska

started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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(734): View more from Michigan

So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.

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(518): View more from New York

I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that

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