I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
