My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
