Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
