I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
