Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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