I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
