but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
