Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
