You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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