you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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