Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
