Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
