if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
