so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were trust falling into bushes
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
