It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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