Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
