I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
