Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
