Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's just like the Real World with babies
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
